In Spite of Me

 Don't look at me so

Like you've got me 

All figured out.

I'm not in love

You know.

So you might as well 

Get it out of your head

Right this instant.

I've had crushes before

And sooner or later,

They all fall away

To the cutting room floor.

So don't go getting attached.

I don't do committment.

I don't do relationships

And I don't do domestic.

So watch your back.

I ain't in it for the long haul.

Just remember that.

Don't smile at me that way.

It's like you're not paying attention 

To anything I say.

Oh I see,

You think I'm falling for you

Just because 

For some reason

I haven't quite managed

To give you the boot.

Well, don't worry.

I'll get to it soon.

What's wrong with your eyes?

Turn the shine off!

Didn't yo' mama never teach you

It's not polite to gloat?

I've heard of sore losers,

And that's not me at all

But you could stand to be more gracious...

Now that you realise you've won.

You're a tenacious little barnacle.

I'll give you that much.

I'd never have guessed it

That night you sat on my porch

Telling stories while you drank

And we ate corn on the cob.

But somehow you knew

You'd be the one

To get under my skin.

Yeah, you knew it.

Of course.

And I want to be mad

That I can't shake you off

But I can't be 

And it's frustrating to me

That I love you so much.

Call Me When You're Sober

Want me in the daylight

And when you're in your right mind.

I don't want you to want me

In the wee hours of the morning

Round a quarter past three

When you're alone, 

And drunk,

And horny.

I don't want to be

The person you think of when you're lonely

Or the one you call when you're bored,

Only to be looked right through at parties

When you have company.

The one to be ignored.

I don't want to be the one

Who gets put way back on the top shelf.

Sitting there, hoping to be remembered,

Feeling sorry for myself.

No.

I don't want to be that person

Who's always last pick or second choice.

I let you get away with that

Because I felt I had no voice.

Now I've learnt

After being burnt

On multiple occasions

That I do

Have value too

And you are not my salvation.

So it's 3 am

And, as expected,

The phone rings.

And it's you

Wanting to know

Wussup

And, Can I come over.

Now, honey boo,

I ain't mad at you

But I am not your part time lover

So if you're sure that I'm the one you want

You need to 

Call me when you're sober.

Enemy Inside

Be careful when you go.

Watch your back.

Take care.

Words of warning

Spoken out of love and fear.

Admonition

Meant to guard against

The dangers lurking somewhere "out there."

Words

Assimilated and passed on.

Words

Turned tradition;

Handed down from father to son.

Words

That I have taken to heart.

Words

That have kept me 

Alert and sharp.

So when in your turn

You stepped into my world,

I wanted to welcome you

But for those words

Reminding me of the threat

That you in your innocence

Could potentially represent.

And without realising it,

Instinct took hold

Sending me into 

Self defense mode.

I threw up the walls.

I launched the grenades.

I pulled out the stops,

And went on crusades

All in an attempt

To protect myself

From the wildling,

The enemy,

Inside my fence.

Now looking back

Reluctantly,

I have finally come to see

That in all of my vigilant savagery 

The real beast in the story

Turned out to be me. 

Unconscious Uncoupling

So close

We were the closest

Of friends

We were the bestest

Of loves

Ours was the greatest

Of falls

This was the hardest.

Your eyes told stories

Far beyond words

Never had to explain things

Emotions were heard

I could always tell what you were feeling

Like your own personal

Human mood ring

And you never had to ask

"Well what do you think?"

Cause we were in tune

On a wave and in sync.

Many times I've heard it said

That all good things

One day come to an end.

So then what about the bad?

What message does that send?

Kinda makes me second guess

The meaning of "friend".

Something's broken

Or else something's grown

And for some reason or other

We don't fit anymo'.

It just happened so quick though

Quicker even than I could follow.

This truly is a hard pill to swallow.
Guess you can never predict
How the wind's gonna blow,

Just like that, overnight,
you've become

A person that I used to know.

A Time to Forgive

There's a time and purpose

To everything:

A time to wound,

A time to heal;

A time to gather,

A time to spill,

A time to nurture,

A time to kill.

I've spent a lifetime battling

The way I feel-

I've cried, I have shouted,

I have made myself ill.

I've lied and denied 

To make the loss look like a win

So I wouldn't have to deal with

The pain I was in.

I said I was fine

When really I was strugglin',

Turned a blind eye to weakness;

Tried to cover up sin,

Until I got to the point

Where I started drownin'

Dangerously close

To the point of no returning.

Then, faced with a choice,

And no pretense to shroud it,

Between accepting the lifeline

Floating where I could reach it

And falling into darkness

With no light to ease it.

Fiercely determined 

That I would yet live,

I reached for the cord

And I tightened my grip. 

Now one thing remained 

To get out of guilt

I had to lighten my load

For I was too heavy to lift.

So releasing the tension,

I stopped gritting my teeth

And felt life returning

As I chose to forgive.  

Scar Tissue

I didn't know 

You could affect me like this.

I hadn't realised 

How deep you'd gotten under my skin.

It wasn't til I took a closer look

At the places I'd been,

That I got the real picture

Of the damage within.

I've had time to heal 

From the havoc, burns and breakings

But deep inside there's still a dull aching

That I cannot reach

And it's taking all I've got to stop myself shaking

From the chills that I feel 

At the memory of you

Buried deep underneath

Layers of scar tissue.

Once you were out of my life,

I simply moved on.

I never thought about you.

Not even once.

But for some reason lately,

You've been on my mind;

I can't seem to shut you out.

Believe me, 

I've tried.

I tell myself over and over again

There's no need,

No need at all for me to dwell

On stuff that happened way back when.

But it isn't that simple

And I cried

When I understood how much it's affected my life.

I took it for granted 

When my wounds disappeared,

That all was forgiven,

I had nothing to fear,

The past was behind me,

The future was here.

But it was just this scar tissue

Numbing me at the point where

There was a major issue

And I couldn't see clear.

Now I see for myself

How much I surrendered 

Through ignorance of my health,

How all of the pain that I had disguised

Had me running on fumes.

Fumes made from lies

That created a spectre like a monstrous tower

That loomed high above me 

In whose shadow I cowered.

Now I've found the courage

To reclaim my power.

Now I won't let you daunt me

No matter how much you glower.

 Now I have the remedy 

That truth brought home to me:

Love and forgiveness

Have healed me fully.

Now the hurt and the pain 

Are gone finally.

And the marks on my flesh,

Those dark, ugly scars

They are bookmarks of lessons learnt

And now, that's all they are.

Prodigal

I thought that without You

I'd be alright;

That I'd finally be free

If you weren't running my life.

And I tried a few things,

I went hard, I had fun

But I only felt hollow

When it was over and done.

I told myself I needed to adjust

To time on my own;

That this was a phase

Or syndrome- like Stockholm.

When I took a minute

To catch my breath,

My heart was finally able

To catch up to my head.

I understood

That for all the things I'd said,

My feet had me gravitating

Back to the One I had left.

So here I am 

On your front porch

Wondering 

If you still carry a torch.

But for my part,

The sound your name

Kindles inside me 

A bright, ardent flame.

Stripped down to nothing
But bare naked hope,
I steel my nerves
And will my limbs to work.

I close my eyes,

I feel myself shudder

From all this emotion

As I reach for the buzzer.

Pledge

In the darkness

And when you can't see clear,

You'll feel my love

And know that I am near.

In the silence

Or when it's too hard to hear,

I'll hold your hand;

You'll know that I am there.

I will be a shelter 
From the driving rain.

I will bring you joy 
In the midst of blinding pain.

When all others have left you, 
I'll always remain;

When you're going crazy, 
I'll stand by and keep you sane.

But if you cannot see me;

If my touch you can't seem to feel,

Think on all we've been through

And remember this is real.

When other voices tell you

I have let you go astray,

Call on me, I'll answer

I am never far away.

When you're going through a struggle

And it seems you're on your own,

I will not leave you comfortless.

You won't be carrying it alone.

When your friends don't understand you;

When your spirit's parched and dried,

Know I've counted every teardrop

Because I never left your side.

And when all else has failed you,

When you're shaken and disturbed,

Know that I am always with you,

I have given you my word.

After the Storm

Everybody talks about

How they want a love that's strong,

Then there was you

And I knew I'd found the one.

We were so good together

Whether we were making plans,
Laughing or talking about the weather.

Yours was a love I never wanted to end

But in life you never know

What's waiting round the next bend.

Our story's over;

You sleep in clover

Beneath the smiling sun.

In some way,

I think I had to pay

For having known so much perfection.

So while you feed the flowers,

I while away the hours

In self contempt.

As I gaze up at the moon, 

I feel certain that soon

The pain will all be spent;

The light will fill the space

Where in solitude I've dwelt

And prove that thing to be true
Which I have always felt:

That in getting to know you
 I have been bountifully blessed.

Roll & Tumble

The touch of your hands against my skin

Releases a sigh as I give in 

To the feel of your body pressed up against mine

And all fades to silence- we are frozen in time.

Your warm breath against my neck

Gets juices flowing til I finally relent

And explore all your features in full length and breadth:

The muscles, the curves,

The tingling nerves

That cause a reaction

Spontaneous contraction

And heats up the action 

While we pick up the pace.

No rush- it's no race.

We come face to face

And your fingers, they trace

The contours of my back,

Every nook, every crack.

Into pleasure we lapse

Til at last we lose track

Of how, what and when

And it's impossible to tell

Where you begin and I end.

But we're both aware of when the rhythm peaks

And hold on tight, reluctant to retreat,

Til we finally surrender to the moment of release

And stop to enjoy the tender glow of bliss.

Then you reignite the embers with another flaming kiss

And we start the cycle over

And never miss a single beat.

180° of Understanding

I want to love you

But I don't know how.

You must understand

That up until now

I've never desired

Anything more from a person

Than simple friendship

And stringless conversing.

I thought I understood 

What love could've meant

But how to be sure

Unless I'd already felt

What everyone talks about

But few truly know

And so I've decided

To give it a go.

And it's so funny

Cause now it turns out,

I grasp even less

Of what this business is all about.

In the 20/20 vision

That comes with hindsight,

Quite a few issues 

Are coming to light.

I've confused emotions and feelings

Like passion, pleasure and even guilt

Along with motives and desires

That were entirely selfish

For this thing we pursue

As the greatest of gifts.

And it's clear that this journey

Is far from its finish.

Busted Us

You and I, we were so close.

What happened to us?

Have I changed that much?

Or is it you who's different?

You and I, we had something special.

Something precious we swore would never end.

It was just that strong 

But then,

It did.

And yet we were so very sure...

Where did we go wrong, you and I?

Was it overconfidence that broke our stride?

Did we get so comfortable that we just stopped trying?

Or were we a mistake from the beginning?

All this wondering is futile I suppose.

I guess if we had the answers...

Well, who really knows?

At this point the only thing I can see clearly

Is that you plus I no longer makes a we.

Sucker for You

The things you said, 

The words you spoke,

The lies you told,

My heart they broke.

And just when I felt I could take no more,

I see you come back through the door

Arms outstretched, a smile so wide...

And just like that,

I find

I've already let you back inside.

Feel Good

Baby, I am 

So happy you're here.

Baby, you 

Give me joy when you are near.

Baby, I know 

Just how lucky I am.

Baby, I'm just so blessed,

Blessed to be your man.

Matisyahu: One Day

An absolutely beautiful video. The lyrics of this song capture what the holiday season is all about. It's message is one we would all do good to remember and to carry with us year round. Happy Holidays everybody!

Sexual Healing Suite 4: Student Application

Take my hand

Be my guide

Light the path that leads inside
The space
Where I can find 
The key to understanding
The elusive contents of your mind.

With a little patience,

You'll see that I'll prove

A willing student,

A docile dove, 

Ready to learn 

The ways of love.

Sexual Healing Suite 3: Physical Geography

Mmm...

Damn! 

You sure put it down tonight.

Your hands,

Your hips,

Your thighs,

Your lips,

Your... mmm

You pulled some tricks out of...

I can't imagine where.

The way you felt,

The way you moved,

The way you smelt,

The way you touched me , 

The things you said...

I sure learned some things tonight.

You taught me how 

To take my time,

To explore, 

To savour,

To tease,

To coax... 

Mmm hmmm...

You brought out some things...

A passion that was new to me,

Ardour-filled discovery.

And together 

We romped,

We rolled,

We played,

We let each other's love unfold...

Ooh baby!

Tonight a whole 'notha world just opened up.

A world of fresh sights,

And tastes,

 And sounds,

A world where mountains,

Valleys and fountains abound.

You put it down last night!

When we connected,

The click was almost audible;

The electricity was palpable;

The emotion breathable;

The ecstasy edible.

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Baby,

Stay a little while longer.

Let me lose myself in those eyes.

Bedazzle me with that smile.

Let me lie in the warmth of your touch.

Let me wander across the landscape of your body.

And explore the recesses of you

For just a little bit...

Flip It

I don't want to wave this

Like a banner

Because I don't see why I should.

And I don't want the word spreading

Like wildfire

Through the hood.

What we have

Is just for us two

Although you seem to feel

It'd be better if the whole world knew.

I'd much rather it remain

A hidden delicacy

Savoured secretly

In comfort and privacy;

Devoured greedily.

But the DL isn't made

For longevity

And people are beginning to get suspicious. 

Friends and family are poking around

Like packs of rabid sniffer hounds.

So perhaps it's time to make a move

And take this public;

Go on the offensive so the busybodies are routed

Rather than sit back and wait

Until we get outed.

Latent Emotion

Emotions and feelings are an awful to-do

Perhaps that's the reason

I don't let them show through.

See, these things become messy, and sticky

And so

I look for other ways for me to let you know

How important you are to me in my life

But my subtle overtures have become a cause of strife.

For somehow,

I've failed in my duty to you

To make you aware of how much I do

Care about you, about this, about us

Despite the fact I seem to never make a fuss.

So if circumstances lead you to think,

That when it comes to you

I couldn't give a blink,

Just step back for a minute;

Look past all my fronting- which is purely absurd

Then you'll find that I do care

Far beyond gesture and word.

Night Shift

She walks down the streets

In the dark of night

Brazen head held aloft

Thick make-up layering her face.

You can tell by her swagger

She ain’t just any ordinary girl.

She’s armed and dangerous,

Prey in sight, she’s going for the kill.

So you say you want summa that?

Well she’s fierce

And you gots to be fiercer

If you plan on taming that tiger.

Tough talk

Sharp claws,

Little black dress

Showin’ legs that could snap a neck in two.

Damn straight

She mean business.

Don’t mess around

Boy you need to come betta!

As for you neat little girls,

Livin your neat little lives,

In yo mamma’s perfect little kitchen

Paid for by daddy’s five-figure salary,

Don’t be too quick to judge.

I know you ain’t lookin down

The end o’ yo nose at her.

(Oh no she di’n’t!)

Before you start dealing out

Your ignorant, uninformed sentences

You just might want to listen to her story.

And if you’re really as smart as you say,

You’ll realize on any given day,

The car you drivin’ could easily swerve into her lane

On the thinnest patch of ice.

And if you listen,

You might learn a thing or two

About life,

About love,

About generosity,

About true piety…

…And who knows,

You just might learn a thing or two…

…About your husband!