Just Enough

I need you near me
But don't get too close.

Stay forever
But don't hang around too long.

This may not make much sense
But that's the way it is.

Though I love and desire you,
Too much of a good thing
Can become toxic.

That's why I do all I can
To keep you near,
Yet hold you at bay
Trying to keep this sweet thing we've got
From going sour.

Past Tense

We used to be friends.

We used to be friends

Before the I saids,

The he saids

That she said that they said.

We used to be friends…


We used to be friends

Back when the days were made for fun

And nights meant long phone conversations

Tapering off into snores from one or both ends of the line…


We used to be friends

In the days when confessions

Came without fear,

Back when take backs

Were enough,

And an "I’m sorry"

Was the ultimate cure-all.


Yeah we used to be friends,

When time

And the maturity that came with an “IM”

Still made the impossible plausible,

The improbable tangible

And the unobtainable haveable.


Oh yes, we used to be friends.

Then we were enemies

And now we just are…

But separately.


We used to be…

In Plain Sight

I sit and stare at you
From across the hall;
sometimes I even picture
What it would be like to give you a call.

I imagine the conversations we'd have
And though this may sound pretty lame,
I hear your voice and visualise your lips
As they pronounce my name.

I scarcely dare to dream
Of what it would be like
To walk down the pews of a church aisle
Til I come to stand at your side.

I'd love to carry your name
But still more to bear your child
A desire I secretly cherish
Knowing it's an impossible wish.

But, alas, I must come down to earth
From my castle on Cloud Nine
And face the fact that this is forbidden.
Your love will never be mine.

For even as I stare at you
Across this crowded space,
I realise that to you,
Mine is just a nameless face.

I dearly long to break the bonds
of my personal restraint
Unsheathing my voice in full, strong tones
Neither feeble nor faint,
Like an arrow loosed from Cupid's shaft
That would fly through the air and penetrate your heart.

To boldly run to you my dear,
Unfettered from my fears
And take the ultimate risk
If with no greater result than so
You'd know that I exist.

Beggars Would Ride

If only you saw me
Then you'd want to talk to me

If only you talked to me
Then you'd get to know me

If only you knew me
Then you would love me

If only you loved me
Then I could be happy

Starting Over

In yet another divergence from what I usually post here, I'm putting up a short reflection:

As children, we all start out with the fresh eyes of innocence. We charge through life with the madness of sheer abandon. That is, until we learn that to live is to suffer and to trust is to leave ourselves open to being hurt. So we develop mechanisms and stratagems to protect ourselves and to get before we get got.

And on the way to the goal that we tell ourselves is maturity, we leave behind pieces of ourselves- exchanging intuition and faith for logic and reason while the magic fades from our world. We unthinkingly accept what is imposed on us, sacrificing independence, imagination and free creativity at the alter of the status quo.

We imprison our hearts behind walls of fallacy and feign impermeability because we have learned that it is dangerous to feel or, in any case, to let others know that we feel. We internalize the notion that it is weak to cry and nurture the idea that unbridled joy or excitement belies desperation. So we stifle our feelings.

These are the things I have come to realize when I have taken the time to silence the voices of obligation, responsibility , guilt, fear- the dramatic clamour of the outside world. When I sat still and talked with God in the quiet hours of the day, in my mind’s eye I saw the little boy I used to be and wondered with a pang of remorse, whether he would be happy with the person he grew up to be.

With this in mind, I choose to forgive:
First, myself for the needless pain I have inflicted upon myself and others

God (as paradoxical, and possibly blasphemous, as that may sound). I forgive
Him for the perceived injustices I have blamed on Him.

My family, friends, co-workers and random strangers for the wrongs they
have done and which I have unconsciously carried with me through the years.

Yes. I forgive, because it is the first step toward healing and getting past those things that lie at the heart of all my insecurities.