A Time to Forgive

There's a time and purpose

To everything:

A time to wound,

A time to heal;

A time to gather,

A time to spill,

A time to nurture,

A time to kill.

I've spent a lifetime battling

The way I feel-

I've cried, I have shouted,

I have made myself ill.

I've lied and denied 

To make the loss look like a win

So I wouldn't have to deal with

The pain I was in.

I said I was fine

When really I was strugglin',

Turned a blind eye to weakness;

Tried to cover up sin,

Until I got to the point

Where I started drownin'

Dangerously close

To the point of no returning.

Then, faced with a choice,

And no pretense to shroud it,

Between accepting the lifeline

Floating where I could reach it

And falling into darkness

With no light to ease it.

Fiercely determined 

That I would yet live,

I reached for the cord

And I tightened my grip. 

Now one thing remained 

To get out of guilt

I had to lighten my load

For I was too heavy to lift.

So releasing the tension,

I stopped gritting my teeth

And felt life returning

As I chose to forgive.  

Prodigal

I thought that without You

I'd be alright;

That I'd finally be free

If you weren't running my life.

And I tried a few things,

I went hard, I had fun

But I only felt hollow

When it was over and done.

I told myself I needed to adjust

To time on my own;

That this was a phase

Or syndrome- like Stockholm.

When I took a minute

To catch my breath,

My heart was finally able

To catch up to my head.

I understood

That for all the things I'd said,

My feet had me gravitating

Back to the One I had left.

So here I am 

On your front porch

Wondering 

If you still carry a torch.

But for my part,

The sound your name

Kindles inside me 

A bright, ardent flame.

Stripped down to nothing
But bare naked hope,
I steel my nerves
And will my limbs to work.

I close my eyes,

I feel myself shudder

From all this emotion

As I reach for the buzzer.

Pledge

In the darkness

And when you can't see clear,

You'll feel my love

And know that I am near.

In the silence

Or when it's too hard to hear,

I'll hold your hand;

You'll know that I am there.

I will be a shelter 
From the driving rain.

I will bring you joy 
In the midst of blinding pain.

When all others have left you, 
I'll always remain;

When you're going crazy, 
I'll stand by and keep you sane.

But if you cannot see me;

If my touch you can't seem to feel,

Think on all we've been through

And remember this is real.

When other voices tell you

I have let you go astray,

Call on me, I'll answer

I am never far away.

When you're going through a struggle

And it seems you're on your own,

I will not leave you comfortless.

You won't be carrying it alone.

When your friends don't understand you;

When your spirit's parched and dried,

Know I've counted every teardrop

Because I never left your side.

And when all else has failed you,

When you're shaken and disturbed,

Know that I am always with you,

I have given you my word.

Need to Know

Talk to me.

I've been waiting

But you've been silent.

Just talk to me.

I have my theories- 

Educated guesses- 

About all of this.

But you and I both know

That it's just a fancy way of saying

I have no clue what's going on.

So talk to me.

Make it clear.

'Cause I feel like I'm stagnating in here.

When people ask questions,

I have nothing to respond

And I look like a fool,

Or worse- a pawn!

Tell me is there a purpose,

Or are You just having fun?

Just talk to me.

That's all I'm asking.

Talk to me.

So I know what You're thinking.

Fragments

 

Perfect strangers

Huddled at the bus stop

In the pouring rain,

United in an instant

By a cigarette stick

Sharing a moment of release

And a mutual need for a nicotine hit…

************

People scare me.

Standing in the shower,

I can let my voice ring out-

Just open my mouth

And sing.

But in company,

It’s quite another thing:

My blood turns cold

And I feel myself freeze.

Terror petrified,

I can barely breathe

Much less utter a single word

If I get even an inkling

That I might be observed.

******************

You know just what I’m thinking,

Even when the words become obstacles

And get in the way.

In times of need,

You always know the right thing to say.

I never have to explain my feelings

Because you feel them too

And I never fear your judgement

‘Cause you understand the things I go through.

In the dark I am never alone

Because you have a way of making

The scariest of places

Feel comfortable like home.

Even when I can’t feel you,

I know I’ll be just fine

‘Cause our connection holds true

Across oceans and time.

****************

There are many things

That I don’t know:

Like how far away the sun is,

Or what makes flowers grow.

And when you think it over,

There are many reasons you could come to

As to just why I am not

The perfect one for you…

***************

…But how do you end a chapter,

Turn the page

And shut the door

On one whose role

Is central to the story?

****************

My brain feels raped.

I feel the shame

Of a fall from grace.

A hopeless case,

My jumbled words spill out all over the place…

A babbling brook,

An insipid book,

Sitting alone in a tight, cramped nook

Trying to communicate with just a look.

Fatigue of the mind

For quite some time

Searched far and wide

Only to find

The legends had lied

About the treasures people hide

And at the end of the rainbow,

There was no grand prize.

Surrendering

It's not about the battle,

It's about the victory. 

It's not the destination,

It's about what you gain from the journey.

It's not about the money,

It's about the value of your soul;

It's not the diploma

It's about the experiences that help you grow.

It's not about the struggles,

It's the rewards they bring.

It's not about all the noise they make,

It's about the message in the words they sing.

It's not about the things you hear

From the voices that whisper in your ear,

It's about the truth taking root like a plant

Sprouting from the seed God sowed deep in your heart.

It's not about the circumstances,

Pay no attention to the things you see.

It's not about where you are today,

What matters is who you choose to be.

Expectancy

You said you'd be the ONE

To stand by me

When others turned tail

To flee.

You said you'd be there

When the going got tough;

That you'd have my back

When the world called my bluff.

You promised that you'd

Be my guide;

That when other lights went out,

You'd stay by my side.

Now it has come to the point.

Got my back to the wall;

I'm waiting on you 

Please answer my call!

Today

Today my soul just opened up.

I didn't know it could.

I'd heard it happened to other people

Never thought one day would be my turn.

Today I saw You

For the first time,

And it seems a little odd

That you'd be around someone for so much time,

And find you don't know them at all.

Today I chose to let you in

Where few have ever trod.

Today I decided to take a chance

On this "Person" we call God. 

Hello Springtime!

Ah spring!  Coming from a country where there are basically only two seasons in the year- a wet season and a dry season- I find that each of the seasons has its own beauty and its own special appeal. However, spring has to be my favourite season of them all. And it's not just because it reminds me that summer is on its way. I simply love the feeling of rebirth that comes with the new buds, the (generally) warmer temperatures and the lengthening days. 

And, my absolute favourite thing about spring? Well, I'd have to say the colours. Maybe it has something to do with the sunshine, or the warmer weather (especially this year) or the multitude of flowers bursting into bloom all over the place, but whatever the case, colours just seem more vibrant at this time of year. 

So, in honour of the season, here's an old poem, written several years ago during my first Spring:

The Springing of Spring

The first days of spring are here

And the birds have returned.

One realizes once again

That insects exist

And the trees are first popping

Then literally bursting

Into life.

The sun,

Which during the months of cold

Seemed little more

Than a shimmering

Dot of a decoration in the sky,

Begins to reacquire its vitality.

The days start

To feel a little longer

And the heart rejoices

As the eye takes in the sight

Of the golden orb

Framed in azure skies.

The river overflows its banks

As the mountain snow

Begins to melt.

Creamy and faded legs

Begin to peek out

From under shorts and miniskirts.

Some of the victims of the long winter

Still show signs

Of the long hard battle;

While some late sleepers

Are yet to change into the garb

Of the new year’s foliage.

The sounds of young life

Fill the air

As nature conducts the first

strains

Of her orchestra that will reach

A fever-pitch crescendo

In the summer.

As God looks down on the waking world,

I wonder if it brings back,

With a tinge of nostalgic reverie,

The days when all was new and clean,

Freshly sprung in to being

At the sound of His melodious voice.

But then maybe it also cheers

His heart as He thinks ahead

To a new world

Where the icy hand of Death

Will never raise a finger

And where the winter

Of the Dark Oblivion

Of a million gaping graves

Will never chill the air

Where children

Will sing and dance and work

With their elders

And the harmony of man and

Nature will never be broken.

Where boredom will be a word

Not to be found

Even in the oldest tome

Of the most ancient dictionary

Of the most antiquated form

Of the language.

I can see that cheering Him

And bringing a radiant smile

To His face.

And I think,

“I want that smile to shine on me

And all I do forever.”

I don’t want to hurt the Father

Who is Life.

May His smile that brings life

Illuminate us and the world!!!

The Self Sufficient Man

Talk your talk, oh idle man
You walk and live as best you can
You play a part and go along
Like there's no greater plan.

You sit in high seats of government,
Or enthroned at the local bar,
You talk as if you knew it all,
When the truth is,
You are so far.

You say you have no use at all
For king or faith or creed
Yet are swift to cry out Oh God
When you find yourself in need.

Oh man, so proud,
So infinitely wise,
You fail to see the simple truth
Lying right before your eyes.