All In

I'm trying not to be sad.

But it's a battle I can't win.

A part of me is focused

On all the positive things- 

The prospect of the unknown

Gives me an electric thrill.

But another part,

The one I can't control,

Chokes on all the bitter fumes

Of dreams going up in smoke.

So much effort wasted

Planting seeds that have not grown.

And so I'm spinning,

Disoriented.

Oscillating between

Peace, contentment

And dread of the unseen:

Teetering in tenuous equilibrium

Waiting for the drop.

Only question is, 

When?

When will the wheel of fate

Finally come to a stop?

Then, 
What hand will the dealer pay out?

And,
 If it comes to sudden death,

Could I stick it out?

But in the moments just before the fall

It all goes eerily quiet

As I purposefully choose to trust,
Drawing strength from a world gone silent.
I accept the things I do not know.
I let Faith fill me up.

I relinquish all the might-have-beens
And,

Surrendering, 

I take the plunge.

Tunnel

I'm sad inside again.

I don't know why.

But I'm sad.

I wish I could explain 

All these blues and greys 

And sombre shades.

...But I can't.

They come just like winter rains

And I've just got to let them pass.

I don't know why I'm feeling sad

So don't bother to ask.

Sometimes there are highs;

Sometimes there are lows.

It's only a season; this won't last.

So there's no need to worry about me

I'll be alright.
You'll see.

I'm older now,

And wiser too

Somehow.

I'm not going to repeat the past.

This state I'm in won't get the win.

I'll be just fine. Just relax. 

I can't backtrack and I can't stand still.

Gotta move forward one step at a time.
So keep on your way,
While I go mine.

Just be faithful to your path
And in a little while

We'll meet up with each other again
Somewhere on the other side.

Talked Out

source: myburnoutthing.com

I've traced the circles of the story;

Measured it from end to end.

I got diametre and radius

And drew out chords as well.

Right now I am talked out.

I've answered questions,

Made projections,

Cast conjectures,

Listened to lectures;
Been subject to pressures.

And I am just talked out.

I've heard arguments

And lodged my defence.

My closet houses numerous jars

Crammed with everybody else's two cents.

But I am quite talked out.

I've told the story so many times

I wish I could record myself

Then play the tape at whiles

So I don't have to tell it again.

Some might call it rude when

I let out a sigh before I start

But all you need to know is that

I, For my part,

Am all talked out.

This thing has been hashed and rehashed
So many times that by now
I doubt if there's an inch of it left
That could be considered new ground.
Child I am so talked out.

I am all talked out.
I've told it well,
I've told it badly;
There's no more to be said.
And although you may not see it yet,
I just have to say my friend
That you can keep on whipping it
But this dear old horse is dead.

Melody River

Music flows through my soul-

Sometimes it trickles,

Sometimes it rolls;

Surges in and takes control.

It's waves that pound against rocky shoals.

Footsteps mark time on the pavement,

Hearts beat a rhythm and keep a wavelength,

Train on a track buss a rimshot,

With contrapunctal measures from the ticking clock.

Honking horns and blaring sirens

Add new harmonies and something from the winds.

Rumbling motors are the baseline

The music it moves through every aspect of my life.

In the sunshine 

Or in the grey rain,

The music courses through my body 

And pulses in my veins.

It weaves colourful tapestries 

I see when I close my eyes.

Just when I think I've learnt the melodies,

It unveils a fresh surprise.

Don't matter where I am

Under moon or in brightest day,

I tune out the humdrum 

And just let the music play.

Free from leaden inhibition

I revel in the tuneful spray;

Awash in this melodic rhythm,

I let go and start to sway.

Spark of Life

The old roads have faded 

Into an impass;

The way signs have rusted off

And fallen in the grass.

The light has gone out-

The one on the inside;

Eyes have grown dull

Where once they used to smile. 

The creatures of the dark 

Emerge in the twilight;

Small children cringe in fear

At the things that go bump in the night.

Where is the Kindler?

Who remembers His name?

Can you ask Him to come back to us

And reignite the old flame?

After the Storm

Everybody talks about

How they want a love that's strong,

Then there was you

And I knew I'd found the one.

We were so good together

Whether we were making plans,
Laughing or talking about the weather.

Yours was a love I never wanted to end

But in life you never know

What's waiting round the next bend.

Our story's over;

You sleep in clover

Beneath the smiling sun.

In some way,

I think I had to pay

For having known so much perfection.

So while you feed the flowers,

I while away the hours

In self contempt.

As I gaze up at the moon, 

I feel certain that soon

The pain will all be spent;

The light will fill the space

Where in solitude I've dwelt

And prove that thing to be true
Which I have always felt:

That in getting to know you
 I have been bountifully blessed.

Milestone

Well,

Here we are.

Who would've thought

That one day

We'd end up at this point?

It's been quite a journey.

Had some highs;

Had some lows,

But I'm glad we made it-

Together.

And even though the road ahead

Is still unclear,

I have to say

I'm thankful you're still here.

Rage Against the Clock

Bags and sags

You're aging bad.

Pot in your belly

Thighs made of jelly.

Thinning hair not so neat,

Sprinkles of grey and crows' feet.

Gels, powders and patches,

Injections, implants and false eye lashes,

Creams and dyes-

Make sure there's no lye!

But no matter what you try,

You can't deny

The fact that time is passing you by.

So why not just face it?

Turn around and embrace it

Rather than fight it endlessly

Knowing full well you'll lose eventually.

Love the beauty in the flaws you see

Live out your latter years fully

And then opt to bow out gracefully.

Final Voyage (Departure...)

Go gently now

Into the west.

Your work is done

You can find rest

Safe in the knowledge 

That you've done your best.

The sun sinks low

In the darkening sky;

The birds fill the air

With their evening cries

And land and sea 

Heave telling sighs.

Fear not the shades 

Of the gathering dusk,

Or wind that howls 

With every gust,
Or the creaking ship  

That on the waves bucks:

Your pathway is clear

And your guide you can trust.

Go, then, in peace

Your time has come.

Your race is over

And you have won.

You needn't fret 

Over what's left undone.

Pass on your torch 
To those who yet run

And who must still toil 
under the sun.

Existential Meltdown

Tell me how,

How can I

Know why,

Why it is 

That people die.

It is a mystery 

You see,

The reason for such misery.

So all I've got are piles of questions

Like so many unopened letters

That go against the engrained conventions

Drilled into my head by my so-called betters.

Questions.

Conventions.

Confusion.

Seclusion.

Doctrine.

And disillusion.

Fear,

Dispair

Over things that are unclear.

And wondering,

Always wondering

What the hell I'm doing here.

Quietly

Something different...

Drops of rain

Fall soundessly past the window pane.

A single sprout 

Works tireslessly upward through layers of dirt,

Breaking the surface of the soil

To surprise the planter...

An old man in his apartment

Is watching his favourite show.

He leans back to rest his eyes,

 Enjoying the theme music

And softly breathes his last...

Somewhere else,

A babe is born...

Winter passes into spring,

Then spring to summer,

Summer transitions into fall

And back again...

And life goes on 

...quietly.

And change happens 

...quietly.

You live out your days

With your nose to the grindstone

And wake up one day

To find things are different.

So the world turns

...quietly.

...And that's the way it goes...

On Hold

A hollow drum, 

An empty shell, 

A chilly, numbing kind of hell

Where a shapeless nothing has come to dwell.

Lost the will to move or think,

And here suspended,

I feel myself sink

And realise that I teeter on the brink 

Of a gulf before which I cringe and shrink.

Deaf to ambition's strident call;

Lost to friends and family who scold and warn,

Far from feeling lonely and forlorn, 

I find I don't feel anything at all.

And from the depths of this new low,

I wonder how much further this will go.

There couldn't possibly be more below;

Nothing worse could ever follow.

If this is rock bottom,

Then surely, I soon will rise.

But if not, then what unsavoury surprise

Lays hidden past the scope of my eyes?

For now, I confess I'd rather not be told.

I wanna let it go and wait for things to unfold.

Just turn off the lights and get into bed;

Pull the covers over my head.

At this moment, I prefer not to know.

Good night world. We'll pick things up tomorrow.

Overweight

A jaunty saunter,

And saucy swagger

Up to the checkout desk

Belies nagging doubt

About what the scales will read

Under the weight of all my baggage.

It really wasn’t my fault.

You see,

What had happened was

I had so many important things to bring along:

My knowledge for starters,

Such wealth as I possess,

Then there was pride and self confidence

(Packed a little extra in my carry-on too),

Oh, and there are those residual hurts

Mementos from obscure episodes in my past,

Of course, I had to make space for complacency and doubt,

My talent, my ingenuity,

Self pity, helpless feelings and anxieties-

No way I could leave those behind!

So I bussed it,

Hoofed it,

Hobbled and taxied

All the way here

And now my bags are starting to tell:

There are some broken straps and handles,

Not to mention a couple of busted zippers

But dammit I made it!

But passing through

the million and one security checks along the way,

(Damn those bloody terrorists!)

I find I’m forced to sort through my affairs

And leave little odds and ends behind:

A mask here,

A worn out excuse there,

Old padding and protections,

Scarves and coats I’d taken as a precaution

But most likely won’t need at my destination.

Still,

Even after all these checks

My bags are still so loaded

I can barely drag them along.

I fear that between check-in

And the remaining security stations,

I’ll have no choice

But to cast more and more stuff aside,

So that by the time I reach the gate for boarding

They’ll have me stripped down to nothing

But the bare essentials

Cause this airline don’t give you no allowance for overweight.

Kaleidoscope Night

Vivid reds streak across the sky

Burning oranges lap at the edges

of the thin lines of pale blue

that merge into bands of

sultry, shadowy purples and violets

the flaming sun orb is now out of sight

yet its emissaries seem to follow

even as the train speeds away

in the opposite direction-

toward the darkened dome of heaven

flecked with glinting, silvery dots

like bits of glowing confetti

After a party-

the end of another day.

The train is followed by another body

more discrete

but stern in the beauty of its cold, milky light

commanding awe

as it presides over the affairs of the dark

making sure that obscurity is kept in check-

the beginning of the night.

The streetlights awake,

while somewhere the first lightbulb comes to life

the streets continue to bustle with commuters-

the last shoppers,

day workers homeward bound,

friends out for a sit down at the corner café,

nocturnal laborers on their way to the grind.

The club hoppers and other night time species

will soon appear on the scene,

but it is too early for that yet.

The train keeps going,

its passengers ride on,

some in a hurry to reach their destination,

others a bit apprehensive,

still others sit indifferent-

this is routine,

Just a trainride is all.

Small towns and villages fly by

life passing life

one going at the regular pace,

the other gliding on in fast forward.

So many parallel stories,

the plots running along similar lines

but never intersecting

As evening shrouds the land

I find it funny how

each character in the great novel of the world

could experience the exact same thing

in so many different ways.

Dawn of Sound

A quiet vibration

Disturbs the silent air.

Gathering momentum,

It slowly grows into a dull murmur

As it ripples through the room.

Travelling across the space,

It begins to interact in waves:

Intersecting, converging and diverging

To create an acoustic vagueness

Like a blurry smudge of sound.

As the fuzzy resonance

Becomes more audacious,

Textures and patterns emerge

Into rhythmic, pulsating harmony.

In that instant,

That space awakens

And vibrates in time with the melody.

In that moment,

There is light;

And with that light,

There comes vision.

The air is now

A thing that is breathed;

In that breath, there is sound:

Sound that moves and quivers and vibrates...

... And in that sound,

There is LIFE.