The Core

It's not about the job.

It's not about the money.

It's about your purpose

And the reason for the journey.

All In

I'm trying not to be sad.

But it's a battle I can't win.

A part of me is focused

On all the positive things- 

The prospect of the unknown

Gives me an electric thrill.

But another part,

The one I can't control,

Chokes on all the bitter fumes

Of dreams going up in smoke.

So much effort wasted

Planting seeds that have not grown.

And so I'm spinning,

Disoriented.

Oscillating between

Peace, contentment

And dread of the unseen:

Teetering in tenuous equilibrium

Waiting for the drop.

Only question is, 

When?

When will the wheel of fate

Finally come to a stop?

Then, 
What hand will the dealer pay out?

And,
 If it comes to sudden death,

Could I stick it out?

But in the moments just before the fall

It all goes eerily quiet

As I purposefully choose to trust,
Drawing strength from a world gone silent.
I accept the things I do not know.
I let Faith fill me up.

I relinquish all the might-have-beens
And,

Surrendering, 

I take the plunge.

Storm Shelter

Stormclouds on the horizon.

Another "uh-oh" moment

Before the bang,

The explosion that rang out

Across the world:

The herald of the tightened noose;

A signal that hell just broke loose.

Lightning flashes;

Thunder rolls.

The radio says

It's gonna get worse.

Can I stay in bed til it's all over

And build a home under the covers?

Can't I hold my breath and keep my head under?

Is there any reason I can't drink myself sober?

The light is shut out.

Immersed in deep night,

The shadow is all I receive

From my eyes.

Not sure if day's real

Or a thing I made up.

I planted a seed

Then I lost the map;

I wander around,

But can't find the spot.

Speeding to nowhere.

Maybe I should stop.

...But do I dare?

Once sun kissed

Now wind-swept.

Feeling exposed,

Shaken and helpless;

Choked by fear's rose

A fantom bloom opening

In the back of my throat.

Hope-cheated, rejected;

Undercut by a tide 

Of emotions 

With nowhere to hide.

Now habit would dictate 

I try to understand the why

But I couldn't be bothered

Cause I'm numb inside. 

And this may not,

Be a good time to fly.

But, then again,

Perhaps I should give it a try.

Let the air currents

I ride

Take me up high

Above these dark clouds 

To bright open sky.