In Ward (Silent Screams)

I hurt myself again today.

I didn't mean to this time, 

I swear!

It was just so easy

And I didn't think anybody would care.

I hurt myself today.

I really fought it though-

Until other thoughts got in the way.

But I swear I did, at first!

Of all the people on this planet,

I must be the worst.

I hurt myself

But it has nothing to do with you.

I hadn't done it in a while.

And it hurt like hell in the beginning
But then, it made me smile.

I hurt myself today

To lighten some of the load
And ease the burning in my body
From the fires consuming my soul.

And even though everyone else says
That I am only a child,

My legs they feel so heavy-

And I...
I'm just so tired.

I hurt myself today.

Don't ask me to explain

I won't help you understand

Because unless you yourself have been here,

I don't think you can.

I hurt myself again today;

Came pretty close to the edge.

And it's my fear 

And it's my hope

That one day I'll go far enough

To finally escape this earth.

I hurt myself today,

So I have lost my freedom.

They say I'm just looking for attention,

Suffering from boredom,

Trying to gain extra affection

And so I am deprived,
Chastised,
Left alone with my reflection.

I hurt myself again today.

I hear approaching footsteps.
Quick, and quiet.
Inwardly defiant,
Passive and obedient.

I hurt myself today
But nobody knows it.
Time I got back into bed.

Best that I stay silent.

Anyway there is no more to be said.
I'll numb expression, look content.
Hush now!
Roll over, play dead.

They're on their way to check my head.

The N Month

Source: http://jackiestamps4fun.wordpress.com

So it’s November-

Again

And I could have waited.

Autumn breezes are blowing cold;

Summer’s good-bye kiss has faded.

Darkness comes early

These days-

It’s the season of Night.

No use in chasing after daylit hours,

They’ve gone south, in search of Light.

And it’s November again.

I’m not sure just how this makes me feel-

I mean

It was ushered in by Halloween

And, for some, will climax in Thanksgiving.

But for me,

It says winter’s back.

Again.

And I’m not sure that makes me happy.

Snow, hot chocolate and mulled wine

Are all well and good,

But somehow I don’t relish having to cover up

With gloves and scarf and hood.

But it’s November again;

There’s no arguing that.

Yet when I'm reminded of the gift it gave

So many years ago

In the form of a tiny swaddled babe,

I can't help but think the fact

That it’s November again

Might not be as bad as all that.

Bitter Brew

 Bitterness is a nasty pill.

It rots the insides

And makes you ill.

It numbs you down

And settles in

With subtlety while mimicking

The inner workings of your will

So you can't discern this alien thing

From what proceeds from your own thinking.

Under lack of vigilance it grows until 

Your mind and heart it comes to fill

Then metamorphoses

While it decomposes

The very fibre of your being,

Fermenting only to distill

As anger, hatred and envying:

By-products that keep poisoning 

But make you high off your scheming.

They slowly eat away your soul

And then go on to devour you whole

Flesh, blood, bones and all.

Bereft of any self-control

You begin the final fall:

When you have nothing left to give,

They call for payment of the bill

You feel the noose start narrowing

And with cold precision, they make the kill.

Talked Out

source: myburnoutthing.com

I've traced the circles of the story;

Measured it from end to end.

I got diametre and radius

And drew out chords as well.

Right now I am talked out.

I've answered questions,

Made projections,

Cast conjectures,

Listened to lectures;
Been subject to pressures.

And I am just talked out.

I've heard arguments

And lodged my defence.

My closet houses numerous jars

Crammed with everybody else's two cents.

But I am quite talked out.

I've told the story so many times

I wish I could record myself

Then play the tape at whiles

So I don't have to tell it again.

Some might call it rude when

I let out a sigh before I start

But all you need to know is that

I, For my part,

Am all talked out.

This thing has been hashed and rehashed
So many times that by now
I doubt if there's an inch of it left
That could be considered new ground.
Child I am so talked out.

I am all talked out.
I've told it well,
I've told it badly;
There's no more to be said.
And although you may not see it yet,
I just have to say my friend
That you can keep on whipping it
But this dear old horse is dead.

What?!

Source: http://drawception.com

What are you lookin' at?

Is my head too big 

Or my booty too fat?

What?

Do I have something on my face?

Could you really be this rude,

Or are you some kinda head case?

What?

Is there something I can help you wit' yo?

No I am not a prostitute

And no,

You most certainly cannot have a blow!

What the hell you keep lookin' at?

Did somebody tape a kick-me sign to my back?

What?!

If there's a problem just say it already!

If my hair is on fire, you really oughta tell me.

What?

This staring has to stop.

Spit it out man, enough is enough!

What?

Say you weren't even checkin for me?

Gosh, then I guess I should say that I'm sorry.

Know what?

Now I feel like a fool.

Did you have to make me look like such a giant tool?

What?

Oh, my fly's open you say?

Just when I thought I was done eating crow for the day.

Tell you what,

I really appreciate you lettin' me know

But I'm afraid that right now it's 'bout time for me to go.