Bitter Brew

 Bitterness is a nasty pill.

It rots the insides

And makes you ill.

It numbs you down

And settles in

With subtlety while mimicking

The inner workings of your will

So you can't discern this alien thing

From what proceeds from your own thinking.

Under lack of vigilance it grows until 

Your mind and heart it comes to fill

Then metamorphoses

While it decomposes

The very fibre of your being,

Fermenting only to distill

As anger, hatred and envying:

By-products that keep poisoning 

But make you high off your scheming.

They slowly eat away your soul

And then go on to devour you whole

Flesh, blood, bones and all.

Bereft of any self-control

You begin the final fall:

When you have nothing left to give,

They call for payment of the bill

You feel the noose start narrowing

And with cold precision, they make the kill.

Scar Tissue

I didn't know 

You could affect me like this.

I hadn't realised 

How deep you'd gotten under my skin.

It wasn't til I took a closer look

At the places I'd been,

That I got the real picture

Of the damage within.

I've had time to heal 

From the havoc, burns and breakings

But deep inside there's still a dull aching

That I cannot reach

And it's taking all I've got to stop myself shaking

From the chills that I feel 

At the memory of you

Buried deep underneath

Layers of scar tissue.

Once you were out of my life,

I simply moved on.

I never thought about you.

Not even once.

But for some reason lately,

You've been on my mind;

I can't seem to shut you out.

Believe me, 

I've tried.

I tell myself over and over again

There's no need,

No need at all for me to dwell

On stuff that happened way back when.

But it isn't that simple

And I cried

When I understood how much it's affected my life.

I took it for granted 

When my wounds disappeared,

That all was forgiven,

I had nothing to fear,

The past was behind me,

The future was here.

But it was just this scar tissue

Numbing me at the point where

There was a major issue

And I couldn't see clear.

Now I see for myself

How much I surrendered 

Through ignorance of my health,

How all of the pain that I had disguised

Had me running on fumes.

Fumes made from lies

That created a spectre like a monstrous tower

That loomed high above me 

In whose shadow I cowered.

Now I've found the courage

To reclaim my power.

Now I won't let you daunt me

No matter how much you glower.

 Now I have the remedy 

That truth brought home to me:

Love and forgiveness

Have healed me fully.

Now the hurt and the pain 

Are gone finally.

And the marks on my flesh,

Those dark, ugly scars

They are bookmarks of lessons learnt

And now, that's all they are.

Pardon Undetermined

I'd be lying if I said 

I was completely over it.

Time is at work.

This much is certain.

But beyond that,

I can't give you any specifics

As to how long it'll be 

'Til I let you go free

From the hook of the resentment I still bear you.

I realise that such frankness is unusual.

That I'm not being very "p.c."

But I'm not in the mood

To sully my brain

Trying to shovel bullshit your way

For the sake of appearances

And socially approved formalities.

We're past that.

You said your piece.

I've spoken my mind.

So, maybe now 

We can move on with our lives.

I know I preach forgiveness,

And this attitude of mine

Feels like a load of hypocrisy

But you must realise

Some wounds cut much deeper than others,

And for a hurt of this kind

Any remedy I may need to apply

Will only take effect over time.

So then the question is not

If I'll forgive you, 

For I doubtlessly will,

But when.

When...
And how long until then?

Sucker for You

The things you said, 

The words you spoke,

The lies you told,

My heart they broke.

And just when I felt I could take no more,

I see you come back through the door

Arms outstretched, a smile so wide...

And just like that,

I find

I've already let you back inside.