State of Angst

Amber lights,

Ghetto nights:

Cougar on her haunches strikes;

In the dimness of the day,

Others hover round their prey.

Each stalking some elusive thrill:

Hungry, greedy for the kill.

Tangential acts of random violence

Explode like bombs in the frigid silence.

And the watchers stand and gaze

Like spectres silhouetted by the blaze,

Eyes aglaze with dancing flames, 

As sheets of green and purple haze

One by one the stars erase.

But who would dare defy the rage

Of the bird who sings inside her cage

Desperate for her state to change:

A chance to flap her wings and fly

On a wind that lifts her up on high?

But she, condemned to sit and stare,

Conjuring up castles in the air,

Tries her hardest not to care

While those around her, paralysed by fear,

Wait in apathy as doom draws near.

Backtracking

Skin like dust; feet like lead,

I've lost the rhythm in my head;

Falling into mindless dread;

Feeling like the living dead.

Sleep alone in another's bed,

Engaged to one, to the other wed;

Finding out that this path has led

Straight to the place where He hung and bled.

Tired of always being fed

Empty calories in lieu of bread;

Following guides who were misled

By flashing signs that they misread,

And who, faced with danger, turned and fled

Leaving you alone to tread

The long road back to the homestead.

Dawn After Dark

The night has been a long one

And sleep’s been on the run.

The dark was full of terrors

My only happiness, a warm gun.

Abandoned and disheartened,

I despaired of seeing the sun.

Then a small Voice reassured me

I didn’t have to be afraid.

It would somehow all be worth it;

The fight would not be in vain.

And rich growth always follows

In the wake of heavy rain.

And somehow I’ve come through it.

Belief has had its way.

The sky begins to brighten

As the first audacious ray

Comes peeking o’er the mountains:

I have lived to see the day!

Self Terrorist

I'm unsure 

So I'd rather not try

Because If I failed, 

Then I just might die.

I feel guilty

For the times when I

Was too weak to be honest

And chose to hide behind a lie.

I am unhappy

Because deep down inside,

I know that all this

Is a symptom of pride.

I feel hope start to bloom

But it could just be a mirage

And in the face of success,

I self sabotage.

I sit and I worry 

My heart full of shame;

I smile and dissemble

Just playing the game.

I know it's unhealthy

And I pay a high cost,

But without all this turmoil...

Truth is, I feel lost.

Shades of Lost

Everything is dark

Though my eyes are open wide

And I'm beginning to fear 

I may have gone blind

For the fog of uncertainty 

That rolled in on the tide

Has got deeper and thicker

Blotting out sun, moon and sky.

Lost in the shadows

Engulfed by remorse

The numbness sets in 

Though I keep moving perforce.

Don't know how I got here

Got blown far off course;

My compass is broken 

I have no recourse.

The air has turned chilly

I'm not feeling too well;

To find some safe shelter 

I'd give all my wealth

But the world has grown silent.

I'm all by myself.

Is anybody out there?

'Cause I could really use some help.