Penitence

 He was once.

He was kind.

I know he was.

He was attentive

And knew how to love.

He was gentle,

A porcelaine doll.

He was strong

Never thought he'd ever fall.

He was a dreamer,

A beautiful mind.

He was a warrior 

With the soul of a child.

He wasn't perfect

But he gave me hope.

He gave me life 

With the words he spoke.

That's what he was.

Now he is lost.

Now he is broken

And I think it's my fault.

Return to Start

The two of us share a history

Or, shall we say,

A checkered past?

We got along so awkwardly

I'm not surprised 

Things fell apart.

We existed in each other's space

No more, no less

And somehow I just accepted it;

Told myself it was for the best.

I was hurt by you.

Felt estranged from you.

Abandoned.

You were the enemy.

The intruder.

The invader who

Had no business in my territory

Trying to bring law and order.

So I rebelled.

I used fire.

I raised hell.

But you weren't afraid

And you pushed back;

Asserted your claim.

So I gave up.

Retreated into myself.

Let my garden turn into a wilderness.

Shut myself up in a cave.

Packed myself in ice,

Thinking that would cool the flame.

Took no account of global warming

Or the fact things move in cyclical waves.

Now my winter forteress has melted

And I'm burning again.

So the only way to stop this cycle,

The only way to break this curse

Is to shift gears; move into reverse

And go back to the place

Where I should have started first.

Only time doesn't work like that.

You can never go back.

Least that's what I've learnt about the past:

You can't change it.

You don't get a do-over.

You remember it.

Until you don't

Because it no longer matters.

But it does to me 

And therein lies the problem.

So I've returned to you

For a healthy side of crow.

And I can't predict how this will end,

This only do I know:

You can't pull a relationship out of thin air.

You can't get back what never was.

But you've gotta start somewhere.

Lost & Found

You used to say

You'd be the one to fix me.

Never took you for a creeper.

Never thought you'd be the one

To make the wound much deeper.

And I tried to make you 

Into something

You were never meant to be.

That's over now.

The lie's broken down.

And now

I'm standing in the lost and found.

I used to think 

I was strong enough

To never leave your side

But time's the measure

And he knew better

And somehow it seems I lied.

And I tried to make me

Into something

I was never meant to be

But that's over now.

That lie's broken down.

I look around 

And see that somehow

I'm right back

In the lost and found.

Hard Break

No!

Didn't you hear?

Did I start to stutter?

Or just don't you care?

You're arrogant and selfish.

Time I put it out there!

How come I never have to repeat myself

When my answer is yeah?

You hear me just fine then.

Then, it's all crystal clear.

How come I can hear you

When the refusal is yours?

Yet when it's mine,

Have to shout it through a bullhorn?

Well, maybe it's my fault 

That I'm not being heard.

Perhaps I've nurtured bad habits

Instead of nipping them in the bud.

Whatever the case,

This beat's getting old.

Need a fresh spinner

And a table that turns.

I'm putting on a new record;

Gonna play a new track.

It's taken some time

But I've got my voice back.

With this realisation,

I am taking a stand,

Arguing with you

Feels like a battle through quicksand.

And I don't know how it happened

But man!

Somehow my feet have found their way

Onto firm land.

Away from the drama

I am loving the view

And I know you won't like it,

But we're gonna have to 

Change the dynamic between me and you.

Now just keep this right here;

Don't involve your mama.

Don't call up your crew 

Or your best friend, or your brother.

The business at hand 

Is an extra special brew.

Ain't no room at the table.

This is tea for two.

Talked Out

source: myburnoutthing.com

I've traced the circles of the story;

Measured it from end to end.

I got diametre and radius

And drew out chords as well.

Right now I am talked out.

I've answered questions,

Made projections,

Cast conjectures,

Listened to lectures;
Been subject to pressures.

And I am just talked out.

I've heard arguments

And lodged my defence.

My closet houses numerous jars

Crammed with everybody else's two cents.

But I am quite talked out.

I've told the story so many times

I wish I could record myself

Then play the tape at whiles

So I don't have to tell it again.

Some might call it rude when

I let out a sigh before I start

But all you need to know is that

I, For my part,

Am all talked out.

This thing has been hashed and rehashed
So many times that by now
I doubt if there's an inch of it left
That could be considered new ground.
Child I am so talked out.

I am all talked out.
I've told it well,
I've told it badly;
There's no more to be said.
And although you may not see it yet,
I just have to say my friend
That you can keep on whipping it
But this dear old horse is dead.

Perfect Strangers

I come here on a whim

And find you checking out the scene,

Taking everything in.

There really is nothing about you

To give insight into your life.

Don't know if you're a parent,

If you've got a husband or wife?

Don't know if you like the mornings

Or if you're a creature of the night.

Perhaps you're an outcast

And prefer life on the run;

Maybe you want a partner

But haven't found the right one.

Or could you be living
With a secret identity:

One side ringed by firewalls
To maintain your privacy;

Another for the world
And for friends and family?

Kinda gets me wondering,
If this is really so,

Am I looking at you right now?
Or your alter-ego?

No matter what the truth is

And whatever the case,

We find ourselves together

At the same time, in the same place.

Could be pure luck and chance

Or the meddlesome hand of fate,

But which of the two has dealt us these cards

Is not up for debate.

All that matters is that
We both are here today.

I open my mouth to talk to you,

But damn,

What do I say?

Market Exchange

A chance encounter.

That's all it was.

A busy market, 

A question posed,

A passer-by who overheard.

A conversation did ensue- 

You walked with me,

I learned from you.

You shared stories of your life;

Gave me a bit of good advice.

We talked something of 

The chances of the world:

The good, the tragic, 

How the unknowable often occurs.

You encouraged a heart 

Sunk in a deep pit

Never guessing how much

He needed it.

You encouraged me 

And repolished a dream

That by disillusion had lost its gleam.

This meeting was a ray of pure light

Piercing confused darkness

With clear insight.

I do not know if we shall meet again

But, dear lady, I wish you well.

Though you may not know

How much our chat meant,

I say with certainty

It was time well spent.

Weather False-Cast

Fair to partly cloudy

With a risk of scattered showers,

And I was ready for a lovely day.

Wasn't worried 'bout the rain 

'Cause I knew it'd go away;

When it came

The sun would always be there
To shield me from the pain.

So when the drops they started fallin'

I didn't think it was a warnin',

Never been afraid of a little gray.

Wasn't til some hours later 

When the drops had grown much greater,

That I suspected gloom was here to stay.

Well the weatherman was talkin'

'Bout all the systems workin'

In the atmosphere 

Said there wouldn't be a problem;

All my concerns he'd solve 'em

Now I wanna know what's goin' on round here.

I'm talkin' to you Weatherman.

You ain't nothin' but a charlatan.

You sold me bundles of false hope

With your slick smile and the words you spoke.

So I'm callin' you out Mr. Weatherman

Speak up now, if you can.

I heard the thunder rolling in the distance

And decided it was time to listen

For an update from the radio.

I knew it was a bad omen

When the wind that had been sighin'

Began to scream and then to roar.

Next came the forecast I'd been dreadin'

And confirmed the thing that I'd been guessin':

I was caught out in a raging storm.

It's flash floods and landslides

And people fearin' for their lives.

I can't believe that this could happen

Just when I should be relaxin';

I'm caught up in a war of elements

When I never enlisted or gave my consent.

Gale force winds,

Water on the rise,
Pounding surf;

Lightening flashes 

Make me want to hide.

A small craft advisory is in force,

I doubt if it could get much worse.

I know this storm is not your fault

But you should have known to warn me first.

I never saw it comin',

Got blindsided this mornin',

I mean I was so damn unprepared.

This thing it hit me at unawares

When you should have had my back

And I will always blame you for that.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

Cruel, heartless charlatan.

With your good looks and boyish charm

You took me in and you disarmed

And put me in the way of harm

Instead of sounding the alarm.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

Slick, smooth talkin' snake oil man.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

I survived despite your plan.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

I'll never fall for you again.

In the Air

When the hunting wolf

Through the forest wanders,

Beware.

Oh beware.

In her eyes there springs a yellow light-

Her prey is near.
Beware

Your scent is in the air.

It's in the air tonight

In the air.

See it prowling, feel it coming

And you better have a care.

It's in the air tonight, 

In the air, 

An element of fear

And you are gonna have to fight.

You linger still in lonely places

Blissfully oblivious to where you are.

But she's been following your traces.

You're on her radar

And she's not that far

Can't you hear her voice now on the wind?

So you better run!

Run while you can

'Cause she's closing in

And you can't win 

She won't stop til she makes the kill.

You better run

While you can!

You'll feel a shiver 

When you see the glimmer
Of her pearly whites.
Before she takes that first sharp bite,

You'll know the stories they were right-

There is danger in the night. 

Then there'll be blood

In the air.

A primal, elemental fear

As you feel the end draw near.

It's in the air tonight,

In the air.

There'll be no one to hear you scream 

Or to wake you from this dream.

If you happen to catch sight of her in the shadows,

Keep your distance

She is vicious.

Take it from someone who knows.

Filler

Say it once.

Say it right.

Say hello.

Say goodnight.

Pull me close;

Hold me tight.

Say the words

I need tonight.

Fragments

 

Perfect strangers

Huddled at the bus stop

In the pouring rain,

United in an instant

By a cigarette stick

Sharing a moment of release

And a mutual need for a nicotine hit…

************

People scare me.

Standing in the shower,

I can let my voice ring out-

Just open my mouth

And sing.

But in company,

It’s quite another thing:

My blood turns cold

And I feel myself freeze.

Terror petrified,

I can barely breathe

Much less utter a single word

If I get even an inkling

That I might be observed.

******************

You know just what I’m thinking,

Even when the words become obstacles

And get in the way.

In times of need,

You always know the right thing to say.

I never have to explain my feelings

Because you feel them too

And I never fear your judgement

‘Cause you understand the things I go through.

In the dark I am never alone

Because you have a way of making

The scariest of places

Feel comfortable like home.

Even when I can’t feel you,

I know I’ll be just fine

‘Cause our connection holds true

Across oceans and time.

****************

There are many things

That I don’t know:

Like how far away the sun is,

Or what makes flowers grow.

And when you think it over,

There are many reasons you could come to

As to just why I am not

The perfect one for you…

***************

…But how do you end a chapter,

Turn the page

And shut the door

On one whose role

Is central to the story?

****************

My brain feels raped.

I feel the shame

Of a fall from grace.

A hopeless case,

My jumbled words spill out all over the place…

A babbling brook,

An insipid book,

Sitting alone in a tight, cramped nook

Trying to communicate with just a look.

Fatigue of the mind

For quite some time

Searched far and wide

Only to find

The legends had lied

About the treasures people hide

And at the end of the rainbow,

There was no grand prize.

Alone

Late nights spent on the phone,

Conversating til the break of dawn,

Telling each other about what's going on

And sharing thoughts we'd always hid from everyone.

Invited to a party, standing at the door.

Watching all the other people who came in by the score.

Feeling isolated, left out, some old bore.

Hand off the doorknob, back away real slow.

Turn around and then start running like you never have before.

Down in the metro, hopped on the first train.

Maybe it's my line but if not, it's all the same.

Wonder why you left the house; why you even came.

Didn't ya know they'd always hurt you?

All they do is cause you pain.

Looking out the window at the cold gray buildings, you see

All the happy families

Talking over dinner or curled up watching TV,

Oblivious to the fact that their homey aeries

Could sollicite so much unadulterated envy.

Walking down the busy streets and the crowded avenues,

Surrounded by a storm of sound and colourful views,

Jostled by the swarming masses of wannabes and their crews,

Blissfully impervious to the beggar singing the blues.

Last flight of stairs. You're finally home.

Shut your door to all sound save the one haunting tone

From the beggarman's song that left you chilled to the bone.

You've enjoyed the laughter; the waves of shame you rode.

Yes, you came through the battle 

Just to find you're alone.

Kaleidoscope Night

Vivid reds streak across the sky

Burning oranges lap at the edges

of the thin lines of pale blue

that merge into bands of

sultry, shadowy purples and violets

the flaming sun orb is now out of sight

yet its emissaries seem to follow

even as the train speeds away

in the opposite direction-

toward the darkened dome of heaven

flecked with glinting, silvery dots

like bits of glowing confetti

After a party-

the end of another day.

The train is followed by another body

more discrete

but stern in the beauty of its cold, milky light

commanding awe

as it presides over the affairs of the dark

making sure that obscurity is kept in check-

the beginning of the night.

The streetlights awake,

while somewhere the first lightbulb comes to life

the streets continue to bustle with commuters-

the last shoppers,

day workers homeward bound,

friends out for a sit down at the corner café,

nocturnal laborers on their way to the grind.

The club hoppers and other night time species

will soon appear on the scene,

but it is too early for that yet.

The train keeps going,

its passengers ride on,

some in a hurry to reach their destination,

others a bit apprehensive,

still others sit indifferent-

this is routine,

Just a trainride is all.

Small towns and villages fly by

life passing life

one going at the regular pace,

the other gliding on in fast forward.

So many parallel stories,

the plots running along similar lines

but never intersecting

As evening shrouds the land

I find it funny how

each character in the great novel of the world

could experience the exact same thing

in so many different ways.