Gravitational

I want you.

I probably shouldn't.

But I want you.

Now I could say

That it's for your charm,

Your winning personality.

Only I don't really know you

But I know I want your body.

You draw me in;

I can't resist it.

You've got a pull,

And it's magnetic.

Perhaps it's got something to do

With pheromones,

Or maybe it's just that time of the month

And I'm on overload

Bursting at the seams

With a surplus of hormones.

Whatever it is,

I don't need to explain it.

I'm done overthinking

And I say f*** it!

I know that I want you.

And I'm going for it.

In Spite of Me

 Don't look at me so

Like you've got me 

All figured out.

I'm not in love

You know.

So you might as well 

Get it out of your head

Right this instant.

I've had crushes before

And sooner or later,

They all fall away

To the cutting room floor.

So don't go getting attached.

I don't do committment.

I don't do relationships

And I don't do domestic.

So watch your back.

I ain't in it for the long haul.

Just remember that.

Don't smile at me that way.

It's like you're not paying attention 

To anything I say.

Oh I see,

You think I'm falling for you

Just because 

For some reason

I haven't quite managed

To give you the boot.

Well, don't worry.

I'll get to it soon.

What's wrong with your eyes?

Turn the shine off!

Didn't yo' mama never teach you

It's not polite to gloat?

I've heard of sore losers,

And that's not me at all

But you could stand to be more gracious...

Now that you realise you've won.

You're a tenacious little barnacle.

I'll give you that much.

I'd never have guessed it

That night you sat on my porch

Telling stories while you drank

And we ate corn on the cob.

But somehow you knew

You'd be the one

To get under my skin.

Yeah, you knew it.

Of course.

And I want to be mad

That I can't shake you off

But I can't be 

And it's frustrating to me

That I love you so much.

Call Me When You're Sober

Want me in the daylight

And when you're in your right mind.

I don't want you to want me

In the wee hours of the morning

Round a quarter past three

When you're alone, 

And drunk,

And horny.

I don't want to be

The person you think of when you're lonely

Or the one you call when you're bored,

Only to be looked right through at parties

When you have company.

The one to be ignored.

I don't want to be the one

Who gets put way back on the top shelf.

Sitting there, hoping to be remembered,

Feeling sorry for myself.

No.

I don't want to be that person

Who's always last pick or second choice.

I let you get away with that

Because I felt I had no voice.

Now I've learnt

After being burnt

On multiple occasions

That I do

Have value too

And you are not my salvation.

So it's 3 am

And, as expected,

The phone rings.

And it's you

Wanting to know

Wussup

And, Can I come over.

Now, honey boo,

I ain't mad at you

But I am not your part time lover

So if you're sure that I'm the one you want

You need to 

Call me when you're sober.

Enemy Inside

Be careful when you go.

Watch your back.

Take care.

Words of warning

Spoken out of love and fear.

Admonition

Meant to guard against

The dangers lurking somewhere "out there."

Words

Assimilated and passed on.

Words

Turned tradition;

Handed down from father to son.

Words

That I have taken to heart.

Words

That have kept me 

Alert and sharp.

So when in your turn

You stepped into my world,

I wanted to welcome you

But for those words

Reminding me of the threat

That you in your innocence

Could potentially represent.

And without realising it,

Instinct took hold

Sending me into 

Self defense mode.

I threw up the walls.

I launched the grenades.

I pulled out the stops,

And went on crusades

All in an attempt

To protect myself

From the wildling,

The enemy,

Inside my fence.

Now looking back

Reluctantly,

I have finally come to see

That in all of my vigilant savagery 

The real beast in the story

Turned out to be me. 

The Core

It's not about the job.

It's not about the money.

It's about your purpose

And the reason for the journey.

All In

I'm trying not to be sad.

But it's a battle I can't win.

A part of me is focused

On all the positive things- 

The prospect of the unknown

Gives me an electric thrill.

But another part,

The one I can't control,

Chokes on all the bitter fumes

Of dreams going up in smoke.

So much effort wasted

Planting seeds that have not grown.

And so I'm spinning,

Disoriented.

Oscillating between

Peace, contentment

And dread of the unseen:

Teetering in tenuous equilibrium

Waiting for the drop.

Only question is, 

When?

When will the wheel of fate

Finally come to a stop?

Then, 
What hand will the dealer pay out?

And,
 If it comes to sudden death,

Could I stick it out?

But in the moments just before the fall

It all goes eerily quiet

As I purposefully choose to trust,
Drawing strength from a world gone silent.
I accept the things I do not know.
I let Faith fill me up.

I relinquish all the might-have-beens
And,

Surrendering, 

I take the plunge.

Storm Shelter

Stormclouds on the horizon.

Another "uh-oh" moment

Before the bang,

The explosion that rang out

Across the world:

The herald of the tightened noose;

A signal that hell just broke loose.

Lightning flashes;

Thunder rolls.

The radio says

It's gonna get worse.

Can I stay in bed til it's all over

And build a home under the covers?

Can't I hold my breath and keep my head under?

Is there any reason I can't drink myself sober?

The light is shut out.

Immersed in deep night,

The shadow is all I receive

From my eyes.

Not sure if day's real

Or a thing I made up.

I planted a seed

Then I lost the map;

I wander around,

But can't find the spot.

Speeding to nowhere.

Maybe I should stop.

...But do I dare?

Once sun kissed

Now wind-swept.

Feeling exposed,

Shaken and helpless;

Choked by fear's rose

A fantom bloom opening

In the back of my throat.

Hope-cheated, rejected;

Undercut by a tide 

Of emotions 

With nowhere to hide.

Now habit would dictate 

I try to understand the why

But I couldn't be bothered

Cause I'm numb inside. 

And this may not,

Be a good time to fly.

But, then again,

Perhaps I should give it a try.

Let the air currents

I ride

Take me up high

Above these dark clouds 

To bright open sky.