Big Boy Pants

I'd been expecting you

But you never showed up 

Why didnt you come?

Guess you called my bluff.

I spent my time

Hovering, it seems,

Between murky reality

And half lucid dreams.

Guess I was dodging the rough.

I'd always imagined 

That when you got here

Mysteries would unfold;

That my path would be clear.

Guess that was delusional stuff.

Eyes to the people

For a solution

Turned out to be nothing

But noise and confusion.

Then I decided 

To look on the inside

But found I couldn't live off

Hurt feelings and pride.

Guess I wasn't enough.

Severed the cord

But only in word

Time to cash in my actions;

See what my mouth's really worth.

Guess it's time for tough love. 

Wheels

Gingerly

First steps onto dry land.

Longingly

Feelings of apprehension.

Steadily

Slow acclimatisation.

Confidently

Reaffirming bearings, solo navigation.

Patiently

Helping hand to new generation.

Lovingly

Circle full, beautiful completion.

Pause

Stop

Before you start.

Think

Or you might break his heart.

The lips and tongue

They are so quick

To wreak a havoc 

We can't always fix.

So just relax;

Take a beat.

There is no shame 

In a strategic retreat.

Divestment

It's time...

For all the years spent trying:

Be stalwart, be calm,

Patient and kind,

Yet ever armed;

Be wise and subtle,

Be firm and yet humble;

Be genuine but know how to fake,

Bend like the green willow but never break;

Never let them see behind your game face... 

All the while knowingly lying

For the sake of conforming

To social grace.

The walls I built with reinforced steel

Turned into a prison that would not yield

Even to my hand, 

When, at last a man,

I came to understand

That in weakness there can be strength

In awkwardness, stealth

And underneath poverty, untold wealth.

When at last I opened my eyes

Finally beginning to realise

That I'd read the signs wrong

That I'd been brainwashed all along

Into thinking I needed to kill

All the while amassing debt in an unpayable bill,

Keeping me enslaved, effacing my will;

Leaving me numb, soulless and ill

But demanding more and even more still...

So I decided

It's time:

Time to let go

Time to strip off all the masks and pretense and ego

Time to look into the mirror and finally know

What's really there so I can undergo

The metamorphosis that must inevitably follow...

Time to put all I've learnt to the test.

Time to come face to face with my best.

Time to be strong and leave fear powerless.  

Time to be vulnerable, not time to hide.

And at the edge of this decision, I cried.

Shameless...

Three Strikes

One appeared on the doorstep.
Two arrived hand in hand.
Three came together
And were well met.

Once I tried to show you my mind.
Twice you seemed to want it.
Three times we purposed to start anew
But good intentions always fell through.

A little is better than glut.
Be still and value the treasure locked in silence.
See things for what they are
Prizing essence above form.

One time is enough for the wise.
Two blows make for experience.
Three strokes are often needed
Before words of reproof are heeded.

Once I fell,
A-shamed of my mistakes.
Twice I stopped abrupt and stood,
Be-set by guilt and trepidation.
Three times I changed courses
Seeing fresh perspective after each trial.