Afraid

I’m afraid.
But I don’t want to be.
I just seem to have ignored
So many things:
Things in need of repair,
Things that need a new coat of paint,
Or ones that should be tossed out period.

…But that means change,
And I’m afraid.

So many mistakes I’ve left behind
Unresolved.
So much brokenness
Lies in my wake
Unattended.
So much is festering under the surface
Uncared for,
Unaddressed,
That I’m afraid will all explode in my face
If I try to touch it now.

I know what I have to do.
Yet here I stand
Petrified,
Too silly and cowardly to move
An inch forward or back.
I need to conquer my fears.
I have to beat this soon,
If I’m to thrive…

But I stand quivering on the brink,
Scared to death by the overwhelming
Magnitude of it all;
Overpowered by the reeking stench
Of all my shit.

I’m stuck here shivering like a child…

                                                          …In need of my Father’s hand.