Placebo Effect

I wanted to talk.

The urge was so strong

Felt like it was ready to spill over

From my eyes,

Out my mouth to the first passer-by,

From my hands, my hips, my feet.

So I wrote.

I needed company.

Desire burned inside me

Like the sting of a mutant wasp.

I was ready for anyone.

Didn’t matter who-

Short, tall, balding, poster-model refugee,

So I watched TV.

I sought understanding.

An ear to hear, an eye to catch

The things I needed off my chest

But which fear kept off my tongue-

The sorrow and uncertainty,

The thoughts that keep me awake at night.

And so I waited.

I craved closure.

Self destruction mechanism diffused,

Disastrous chapter closed

Turn over to a new page-

Habits to change, addictions to break, mind to reprogram-

But hard to do,

So I slept.

I hungered for Soul Food.

The empty calories of placid conversations,

Mindless outings,

The inane, random chatter

On subjects about as important as pancake batter-

How I be, who be she, goings on about the weather.

So I kept myself busy.

Finding isolation in a quiet corner,

Consoling a cup of coffee-

And why not a doughnut or two?

Transference, denial, avoidance-

Vices and coping mechanisms,

Delusional solutions and false fixes

On which I depend

Til I can face it all head-on

And get off this

PLACEBO.