Welcome Destruction

You saw them coming

I didn't.

The doubts

Like rain clouds in the distance.

You took precautions

I couldn't.

I never felt the danger.

I never heard it

The sudden intake of breath

That speaks of dread

Of tenseness.

Thinking back now,

How could I have missed it?

All that agst and the restlessness?

The downpour was sudden

Fierce and relentless.

The wind launched its assault

Determined and tireless

While my house shook and rattled

Defenseless.

I crouched and I cowered.

My voice died as I hollared.

But safe in your bunker

You couldn't be bothered.

I came through the waters

And the treacherous eye.

Shaken and weak

And somehow alive.

You saw them coming.

I never did.

The stormclouds in the distance

That washed our world clean.

Now as I stand here,

They recede.

Now I stand here

Watching you leave.

Now I remain

Alone to grieve.

Now as I settle in

And start to rebuild

It's odd that instead of sadness,

What I find is relief.  

Holding Pattern

We've been here before.

I recognise the landscape.

In 72 hours

How much could've changed?

But this isn't our first time

Circling this particular drain,

So  tell me why the hell

We'd want to try it again?

And yet, 

It's the same old refrain

On an infinite loop

I just can't seem to escape/break free from

The gravity around you.

Leaf in the Wind

I have no anchor.

I'm a leaf in the wind.

Unexpected.

That's what this is.

Cold turkey

And the shakes are setting in

It's a punch to the stomach

That's knocked out my wind

It's a knife in the gut

And I'm all but done in

Didn't build my world around you

You weren't my everything

Still I can't pretend it didn't matter

I feel my head begin to spin

I never saw it coming.

I never saw a thing.

I'm adrift without an anchor.

I'm a leaf in the wind.

Adrift without an anchor.

A leaf in the wind.

Penitence

 He was once.

He was kind.

I know he was.

He was attentive

And knew how to love.

He was gentle,

A porcelaine doll.

He was strong

Never thought he'd ever fall.

He was a dreamer,

A beautiful mind.

He was a warrior 

With the soul of a child.

He wasn't perfect

But he gave me hope.

He gave me life 

With the words he spoke.

That's what he was.

Now he is lost.

Now he is broken

And I think it's my fault.

Return to Start

The two of us share a history

Or, shall we say,

A checkered past?

We got along so awkwardly

I'm not surprised 

Things fell apart.

We existed in each other's space

No more, no less

And somehow I just accepted it;

Told myself it was for the best.

I was hurt by you.

Felt estranged from you.

Abandoned.

You were the enemy.

The intruder.

The invader who

Had no business in my territory

Trying to bring law and order.

So I rebelled.

I used fire.

I raised hell.

But you weren't afraid

And you pushed back;

Asserted your claim.

So I gave up.

Retreated into myself.

Let my garden turn into a wilderness.

Shut myself up in a cave.

Packed myself in ice,

Thinking that would cool the flame.

Took no account of global warming

Or the fact things move in cyclical waves.

Now my winter forteress has melted

And I'm burning again.

So the only way to stop this cycle,

The only way to break this curse

Is to shift gears; move into reverse

And go back to the place

Where I should have started first.

Only time doesn't work like that.

You can never go back.

Least that's what I've learnt about the past:

You can't change it.

You don't get a do-over.

You remember it.

Until you don't

Because it no longer matters.

But it does to me 

And therein lies the problem.

So I've returned to you

For a healthy side of crow.

And I can't predict how this will end,

This only do I know:

You can't pull a relationship out of thin air.

You can't get back what never was.

But you've gotta start somewhere.

Gravitational

I want you.

I probably shouldn't.

But I want you.

Now I could say

That it's for your charm,

Your winning personality.

Only I don't really know you

But I know I want your body.

You draw me in;

I can't resist it.

You've got a pull,

And it's magnetic.

Perhaps it's got something to do

With pheromones,

Or maybe it's just that time of the month

And I'm on overload

Bursting at the seams

With a surplus of hormones.

Whatever it is,

I don't need to explain it.

I'm done overthinking

And I say f*** it!

I know that I want you.

And I'm going for it.

Call Me When You're Sober

Want me in the daylight

And when you're in your right mind.

I don't want you to want me

In the wee hours of the morning

Round a quarter past three

When you're alone, 

And drunk,

And horny.

I don't want to be

The person you think of when you're lonely

Or the one you call when you're bored,

Only to be looked right through at parties

When you have company.

The one to be ignored.

I don't want to be the one

Who gets put way back on the top shelf.

Sitting there, hoping to be remembered,

Feeling sorry for myself.

No.

I don't want to be that person

Who's always last pick or second choice.

I let you get away with that

Because I felt I had no voice.

Now I've learnt

After being burnt

On multiple occasions

That I do

Have value too

And you are not my salvation.

So it's 3 am

And, as expected,

The phone rings.

And it's you

Wanting to know

Wussup

And, Can I come over.

Now, honey boo,

I ain't mad at you

But I am not your part time lover

So if you're sure that I'm the one you want

You need to 

Call me when you're sober.

Lost & Found

You used to say

You'd be the one to fix me.

Never took you for a creeper.

Never thought you'd be the one

To make the wound much deeper.

And I tried to make you 

Into something

You were never meant to be.

That's over now.

The lie's broken down.

And now

I'm standing in the lost and found.

I used to think 

I was strong enough

To never leave your side

But time's the measure

And he knew better

And somehow it seems I lied.

And I tried to make me

Into something

I was never meant to be

But that's over now.

That lie's broken down.

I look around 

And see that somehow

I'm right back

In the lost and found.

Unconscious Uncoupling

So close

We were the closest

Of friends

We were the bestest

Of loves

Ours was the greatest

Of falls

This was the hardest.

Your eyes told stories

Far beyond words

Never had to explain things

Emotions were heard

I could always tell what you were feeling

Like your own personal

Human mood ring

And you never had to ask

"Well what do you think?"

Cause we were in tune

On a wave and in sync.

Many times I've heard it said

That all good things

One day come to an end.

So then what about the bad?

What message does that send?

Kinda makes me second guess

The meaning of "friend".

Something's broken

Or else something's grown

And for some reason or other

We don't fit anymo'.

It just happened so quick though

Quicker even than I could follow.

This truly is a hard pill to swallow.
Guess you can never predict
How the wind's gonna blow,

Just like that, overnight,
you've become

A person that I used to know.

Tunnel

I'm sad inside again.

I don't know why.

But I'm sad.

I wish I could explain 

All these blues and greys 

And sombre shades.

...But I can't.

They come just like winter rains

And I've just got to let them pass.

I don't know why I'm feeling sad

So don't bother to ask.

Sometimes there are highs;

Sometimes there are lows.

It's only a season; this won't last.

So there's no need to worry about me

I'll be alright.
You'll see.

I'm older now,

And wiser too

Somehow.

I'm not going to repeat the past.

This state I'm in won't get the win.

I'll be just fine. Just relax. 

I can't backtrack and I can't stand still.

Gotta move forward one step at a time.
So keep on your way,
While I go mine.

Just be faithful to your path
And in a little while

We'll meet up with each other again
Somewhere on the other side.

A Time to Forgive

There's a time and purpose

To everything:

A time to wound,

A time to heal;

A time to gather,

A time to spill,

A time to nurture,

A time to kill.

I've spent a lifetime battling

The way I feel-

I've cried, I have shouted,

I have made myself ill.

I've lied and denied 

To make the loss look like a win

So I wouldn't have to deal with

The pain I was in.

I said I was fine

When really I was strugglin',

Turned a blind eye to weakness;

Tried to cover up sin,

Until I got to the point

Where I started drownin'

Dangerously close

To the point of no returning.

Then, faced with a choice,

And no pretense to shroud it,

Between accepting the lifeline

Floating where I could reach it

And falling into darkness

With no light to ease it.

Fiercely determined 

That I would yet live,

I reached for the cord

And I tightened my grip. 

Now one thing remained 

To get out of guilt

I had to lighten my load

For I was too heavy to lift.

So releasing the tension,

I stopped gritting my teeth

And felt life returning

As I chose to forgive.  

Hard Break

No!

Didn't you hear?

Did I start to stutter?

Or just don't you care?

You're arrogant and selfish.

Time I put it out there!

How come I never have to repeat myself

When my answer is yeah?

You hear me just fine then.

Then, it's all crystal clear.

How come I can hear you

When the refusal is yours?

Yet when it's mine,

Have to shout it through a bullhorn?

Well, maybe it's my fault 

That I'm not being heard.

Perhaps I've nurtured bad habits

Instead of nipping them in the bud.

Whatever the case,

This beat's getting old.

Need a fresh spinner

And a table that turns.

I'm putting on a new record;

Gonna play a new track.

It's taken some time

But I've got my voice back.

With this realisation,

I am taking a stand,

Arguing with you

Feels like a battle through quicksand.

And I don't know how it happened

But man!

Somehow my feet have found their way

Onto firm land.

Away from the drama

I am loving the view

And I know you won't like it,

But we're gonna have to 

Change the dynamic between me and you.

Now just keep this right here;

Don't involve your mama.

Don't call up your crew 

Or your best friend, or your brother.

The business at hand 

Is an extra special brew.

Ain't no room at the table.

This is tea for two.

Talked Out

source: myburnoutthing.com

I've traced the circles of the story;

Measured it from end to end.

I got diametre and radius

And drew out chords as well.

Right now I am talked out.

I've answered questions,

Made projections,

Cast conjectures,

Listened to lectures;
Been subject to pressures.

And I am just talked out.

I've heard arguments

And lodged my defence.

My closet houses numerous jars

Crammed with everybody else's two cents.

But I am quite talked out.

I've told the story so many times

I wish I could record myself

Then play the tape at whiles

So I don't have to tell it again.

Some might call it rude when

I let out a sigh before I start

But all you need to know is that

I, For my part,

Am all talked out.

This thing has been hashed and rehashed
So many times that by now
I doubt if there's an inch of it left
That could be considered new ground.
Child I am so talked out.

I am all talked out.
I've told it well,
I've told it badly;
There's no more to be said.
And although you may not see it yet,
I just have to say my friend
That you can keep on whipping it
But this dear old horse is dead.

Perfect Strangers

I come here on a whim

And find you checking out the scene,

Taking everything in.

There really is nothing about you

To give insight into your life.

Don't know if you're a parent,

If you've got a husband or wife?

Don't know if you like the mornings

Or if you're a creature of the night.

Perhaps you're an outcast

And prefer life on the run;

Maybe you want a partner

But haven't found the right one.

Or could you be living
With a secret identity:

One side ringed by firewalls
To maintain your privacy;

Another for the world
And for friends and family?

Kinda gets me wondering,
If this is really so,

Am I looking at you right now?
Or your alter-ego?

No matter what the truth is

And whatever the case,

We find ourselves together

At the same time, in the same place.

Could be pure luck and chance

Or the meddlesome hand of fate,

But which of the two has dealt us these cards

Is not up for debate.

All that matters is that
We both are here today.

I open my mouth to talk to you,

But damn,

What do I say?

Wake Up Call

Eyes closed, mouth shut,

Let you have the things you want.

Sat back, content to watch

Now I see that I was such

A fool to leave so much unsaid

In hopes that things would sort themselves.

Just because you say so,

It doesn't mean that you know best.

And just because you think you know,

It doesn't nullify the rest.

If I had a dollar for every time I let

You have your way to avoid an argument,

I'd be a frickin' billionaire! 

You couldn't see how it affected me

Or else you didn't care.

Just because you have opinions

Doesn't mean you can ignore my reasons.

And just because you've had your say,

It doesn't make my words unnecessary.

I am not a genie you can summon

When you feel the urge to play

But whom you can stuff into a bottle

When you're done for the day.

Just because you've grown by leaps and bounds,

It doesn't give you the right to crowd me out.

And just because you have a voice,

It doesn't mean you get to veto my choice.

I am not a switch 

That you can just flip on or off

And frankly, right about now I have  

Had more than enough.

Weather False-Cast

Fair to partly cloudy

With a risk of scattered showers,

And I was ready for a lovely day.

Wasn't worried 'bout the rain 

'Cause I knew it'd go away;

When it came

The sun would always be there
To shield me from the pain.

So when the drops they started fallin'

I didn't think it was a warnin',

Never been afraid of a little gray.

Wasn't til some hours later 

When the drops had grown much greater,

That I suspected gloom was here to stay.

Well the weatherman was talkin'

'Bout all the systems workin'

In the atmosphere 

Said there wouldn't be a problem;

All my concerns he'd solve 'em

Now I wanna know what's goin' on round here.

I'm talkin' to you Weatherman.

You ain't nothin' but a charlatan.

You sold me bundles of false hope

With your slick smile and the words you spoke.

So I'm callin' you out Mr. Weatherman

Speak up now, if you can.

I heard the thunder rolling in the distance

And decided it was time to listen

For an update from the radio.

I knew it was a bad omen

When the wind that had been sighin'

Began to scream and then to roar.

Next came the forecast I'd been dreadin'

And confirmed the thing that I'd been guessin':

I was caught out in a raging storm.

It's flash floods and landslides

And people fearin' for their lives.

I can't believe that this could happen

Just when I should be relaxin';

I'm caught up in a war of elements

When I never enlisted or gave my consent.

Gale force winds,

Water on the rise,
Pounding surf;

Lightening flashes 

Make me want to hide.

A small craft advisory is in force,

I doubt if it could get much worse.

I know this storm is not your fault

But you should have known to warn me first.

I never saw it comin',

Got blindsided this mornin',

I mean I was so damn unprepared.

This thing it hit me at unawares

When you should have had my back

And I will always blame you for that.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

Cruel, heartless charlatan.

With your good looks and boyish charm

You took me in and you disarmed

And put me in the way of harm

Instead of sounding the alarm.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

Slick, smooth talkin' snake oil man.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

I survived despite your plan.

Talkin' to you Weatherman,

I'll never fall for you again.

Shifting Sands

 

I can't tell you how I feel,

So I'll just write it down

To get it out my head.

So many things I'd like to say.

Like so many prisoners

Locked up in my chest.

We used to be,

We used to be...

I could say all the words

I think you'd somehow

Want to hear from me

But it wouldn't matter.

It wouldn't mean a thing

Cause in the end, 

You can always see

Straight through me.

We used to be,

We used to be...

I wish that we could've stayed 

The way we were back then

But time moves fast,

The moments pass 

And even good things must end.

We tried to build a castle 

On shifting sand

But in the changing of the seasons

It slipped away

Right through our hands.

We used to be, 

We used to be...

I will always cherish

The memories of you.

Word of Mouth

Sorry.

You say you're sorry

But it doesn't change 

The way that things have been.

Sorry's just a word.

And words themselves are wind.

Your promises

And careless whispers

Made me feel like I was just your mistress,

When what you want me to believe

Is that I was the love of your life.

These are just more empty words

And words, they are a knife.

You're trying hard to reconcile

Your empty gestures 

With what you feel inside.

You're on the platform 

But you've missed the train.

Your words come too late.

They are spoken in vain.

You say you truly want to make amends.

There's sincerity in your voice

And that's just as well.

And words can now begin to repair

The bridge that takes us to a place where

You and I can florish in.

It all begins with a few simple words:

Words are a balm.

They are nourishing.

Table Talk

Sorry I couldn't be

All the things you wanted me to be.

Sorry I couldn't be the one

To meet your every necessity .

Sorry I just couldn't manage

To jump in with both feet.

Sorry I made 

Such a mess of our journey.

Sorry I couldn't surrender myself 

Completely.

Sorry for looking like

I didn't take us seriously.

Sorry.

I tried so hard,

But I just wasn't ready.

Taking Chances/Flip the Script

I prayed to God in Heaven

For someone like you.

I asked for someone gentle,

Someone kind,

Someone with the gift of laughter,

Someone wise.

I asked for love 

To come into my life.

I begged for a soulmate,

A friend and wife.

Then one day,

You finally came

When I least expected you to.

Since then, 

Things haven't been the same

And it's all because of you.

Now I go about

With my head in the clouds.

Drunk off the euphoria

I get from having you around,

I've shed my worries

Like so many extra pounds.

I'm giddy and acting silly

Though I try to stay grounded 

And keep my feet steady.

There's a hole in my stomach telling me

I wasn't ready

For something this real,

This powerful, this heavy.

My track record isn't too neat
In fact, it's dirt-streaked and spotty.
But then again, 
I might just be looking for an excuse
To bail on this journey.

So I think I should try 
For a fresh start,
Do things differently
And unlock my heart.