A Time to Forgive

There's a time and purpose

To everything:

A time to wound,

A time to heal;

A time to gather,

A time to spill,

A time to nurture,

A time to kill.

I've spent a lifetime battling

The way I feel-

I've cried, I have shouted,

I have made myself ill.

I've lied and denied 

To make the loss look like a win

So I wouldn't have to deal with

The pain I was in.

I said I was fine

When really I was strugglin',

Turned a blind eye to weakness;

Tried to cover up sin,

Until I got to the point

Where I started drownin'

Dangerously close

To the point of no returning.

Then, faced with a choice,

And no pretense to shroud it,

Between accepting the lifeline

Floating where I could reach it

And falling into darkness

With no light to ease it.

Fiercely determined 

That I would yet live,

I reached for the cord

And I tightened my grip. 

Now one thing remained 

To get out of guilt

I had to lighten my load

For I was too heavy to lift.

So releasing the tension,

I stopped gritting my teeth

And felt life returning

As I chose to forgive.  

To Be Good

I want to be ok.

Not just for an hour,

Or only for today.

I want to be ok,

Beyond the plastic smiles 

And the words I force my mouth to say.

I need to be ok

'Cause I'm just so tired of waiting

For a promise of healing on the way.

I want to be full
No matter what the issue is
Or if times are bad or good.

I need to be alright
Whether I walk through darkness
Or dance in sunlight.

I want to be ok,
Though I may not be understood.
Let me be ok
For today, tomorrow
And for good.

Knowing

In stillness;

In silence,

In illness 

Without violence.

In sombre, 

Semi-dormant wonder

Shaken by a noiseless thunder.

In waning peace,

In the ebbing of pleasure,

Find release

In sweet surrender

To living torrents,

Carried by their guiding currents;

Existing within finite moments.

Steeped in tragedy,

Embroiled in drama,

In deepest melancholy,

Respect for karma

A shining light in time of need

When hope is nothing but a seed

Assailed by vicious, strangling weeds.

In brightest day,

In darkest night 

Brook no delay

The end is in sight.

Matisyahu: One Day

An absolutely beautiful video. The lyrics of this song capture what the holiday season is all about. It's message is one we would all do good to remember and to carry with us year round. Happy Holidays everybody!

Apologetica

With every choice,

There comes the consequence.

For every risk,

There is a cost

And even not to choose

Becomes itself a choice.

And not to risk,

Is to run a risk:

The risk of being wrong,

The risk of missing out,

The risk of stagnating,

The risk of failing to grow

And being left behind.

I’ve failed you I’m afraid.

I thought I did you justice

I thought I helped you learn,

I thought I nourished you

When in fact

I stifled your creativity,

Your free spirit.

My help, my correction,

Was abuse

And my brand of justice

The most atrocious of

Injustices

And now I’ve spoilt

What could have been

A beautiful painting;

I’ve thrown out of harmony

A melody that should have

Gone platinum

Many times over.

My selfishness, my fear, my ego

Have marred the tapestry of our lives…

This is my apologetica.

The weight of regret

That lies on my shoulders

Presses down on me

More and more

With each passing day.

I wish

I could turn back the clock

With the knowledge

I now have

And then just maybe…

But how to change?

How to make things right?

How can I rewrite the role

That I have created for

Myself?

How to break free

Of this image of perfection,

Of innocence, responsibility

And saintliness?

A role produced by others

Before I could yet

Understand

Its repercussions

But one which I accepted

And learned to play

With dexterity

And convincing

Improvisations

But this is my apologetica…

I just want you to understand…

…and maybe one day

We can forgive me.

OK

Tea for two ?
No thank you.

I’m dining alone.

Tickets to the theatre please,

Party of one.

I’m a lone ranger,

A solo flyer,

Living quite contentedly

In the company of three:

I, myself and me.

Sad,

Some may call a life such as this;

Pathetic,

Others may scoff.

My smile some may interpret

As a front,

False bravado,

The smoke and mirror tricks

Of a two bit parlour show.

That’s ok.

It isn’t given to everyone

To understand such choices.

And that’s alright too.

So if you see me

By my lonesome,

Don’t feel sorry.

Don’t waste precious energy

In worry over me.

I’m ok really.

My smile,

My stride,

My head held high,

Are all tokens of my serenity.

Testimony to the Light of the Truth

I walk in.

No more pretending

Or self deception here.

No matter what you think you see

When you look at me.

I am free.