The Rhythm of absence

In and out,

Forward and back,

Like waves on a grainy seashore

Silvered by the beams

Of the wide, greedy moon

Toying with her flexible lover-

Pushing and pulling

In ancient cyclical time.

Left and right,

Up and down,

You tug at the edges of my mind

In similar regular motion:

Intense and gentle,

Yet only half serious,

You ply my malleable will

Into acceptance;

Then quickly pull away-

A clean, premature click

That leaves me unfulfilled

Yet unable to shake my desire.

These ghost-like appearances-

Phantom interventions-

chill and haunt me.

Your ethereal presence

materialises only in your absences:

Here, then not.

Beside me, then suddenly far away.

Like prairie grasses

Rippling and swaying

In the playful caresses

Of a mischievous breeze,

Then left in motionless expectation,

Waiting for the next breath

To set them back asway.

But the pattern has become familiar,

And loneliness, a pet vice.

So that even were I to break free

From this rhythmic circle,

My life would lie limp

and lifeless,

Dull and still like a moss green pond

Whose surface only ripples

With the fleeting assaults of passing clouds.

And so I live.

From absence to presence

To disappearance renewed.

Content to move along with the tide;

Feeling no remorse

And no resentment.

Just going with the flow,

At one

With the rhythm of your absence.

In Plain Sight

I sit and stare at you
From across the hall;
sometimes I even picture
What it would be like to give you a call.

I imagine the conversations we'd have
And though this may sound pretty lame,
I hear your voice and visualise your lips
As they pronounce my name.

I scarcely dare to dream
Of what it would be like
To walk down the pews of a church aisle
Til I come to stand at your side.

I'd love to carry your name
But still more to bear your child
A desire I secretly cherish
Knowing it's an impossible wish.

But, alas, I must come down to earth
From my castle on Cloud Nine
And face the fact that this is forbidden.
Your love will never be mine.

For even as I stare at you
Across this crowded space,
I realise that to you,
Mine is just a nameless face.

I dearly long to break the bonds
of my personal restraint
Unsheathing my voice in full, strong tones
Neither feeble nor faint,
Like an arrow loosed from Cupid's shaft
That would fly through the air and penetrate your heart.

To boldly run to you my dear,
Unfettered from my fears
And take the ultimate risk
If with no greater result than so
You'd know that I exist.