I Win

I was in the dark

But I couldn't see it.

I didn't know what light was.

How then could I miss it?

That was how you found me

Way back when-

A tiny, wounded, frightened thing

In desperate need of a friend.

You were like a ray of light

When you came into my life.

You were to me an angel

Though I didn't think to ask what kind.

You opened up a world to me

I still cannot describe

But that was just the outer coat,

The inside was much more vile.

Beneath the sweet exterior

Was a filling of abuse and lies,

Manipulation mixed with laughter

And copious creamy smiles.

People ask me why I stayed;

Think I'd surrendered my mind

To a beautiful angel

But not the benevolent kind.

So now you've come around again

Expecting I'd let you in.

Arrogance was always your Achilles heel

And this time around,

I.

Win.

Ownership

Say it.

Say it out loud.

It doesn't have to be
Voluminous and vociferous,

But put it out there nonetheless.

Say it. 

You've been hiding.

It's ok.

You needed protection.

But that bandage isn't helping anymore

And the old wound is festering.

Air it out.

Let the light in.

Shake out the dust;

Get rid of the mould. 

It's time to move forward.

Time to grow.

It's painful.

And uncomfortable

But that's how it goes.

It is necessary and needful

And it will heal you.

So go ahead and say it.
Say it out loud.

Take the power back;

It's your time now.

Welcome Destruction

You saw them coming

I didn't.

The doubts

Like rain clouds in the distance.

You took precautions

I couldn't.

I never felt the danger.

I never heard it

The sudden intake of breath

That speaks of dread

Of tenseness.

Thinking back now,

How could I have missed it?

All that agst and the restlessness?

The downpour was sudden

Fierce and relentless.

The wind launched its assault

Determined and tireless

While my house shook and rattled

Defenseless.

I crouched and I cowered.

My voice died as I hollared.

But safe in your bunker

You couldn't be bothered.

I came through the waters

And the treacherous eye.

Shaken and weak

And somehow alive.

You saw them coming.

I never did.

The stormclouds in the distance

That washed our world clean.

Now as I stand here,

They recede.

Now I stand here

Watching you leave.

Now I remain

Alone to grieve.

Now as I settle in

And start to rebuild

It's odd that instead of sadness,

What I find is relief.  

Catch-32

The blank page:
Fear of beginnings,
Fear of the unknown.
The last full-stop:
Fear of endings,
Fear of growing old.

Holding Pattern

We've been here before.

I recognise the landscape.

In 72 hours

How much could've changed?

But this isn't our first time

Circling this particular drain,

So  tell me why the hell

We'd want to try it again?

And yet, 

It's the same old refrain

On an infinite loop

I just can't seem to escape/break free from

The gravity around you.

Leaf in the Wind

I have no anchor.

I'm a leaf in the wind.

Unexpected.

That's what this is.

Cold turkey

And the shakes are setting in

It's a punch to the stomach

That's knocked out my wind

It's a knife in the gut

And I'm all but done in

Didn't build my world around you

You weren't my everything

Still I can't pretend it didn't matter

I feel my head begin to spin

I never saw it coming.

I never saw a thing.

I'm adrift without an anchor.

I'm a leaf in the wind.

Adrift without an anchor.

A leaf in the wind.

Slashed & Burned

Ruin and ash

Fires burning low

Treasure to trash

Where do I go?

My old world has ended

I screamed as it burned

My soul's resurrected

To ground zero returned.

Trying to figure out

Where I fit in

I sink into the ground;

Stop control-less spinning.

Others are gone

Yet still I remain

A small, fragile one

So I begin again.

Face to the night

Eyes open wide

Hoping this time

I'm on the right side.